More is not enough

I want to do more, more
To say to you it wasn't enough
Time - too soon, too soon
You went away and left me.

In this silence I am bound
Am deaf, dumb, blind
Strapped to all unsaid and
Out of mind, all that is gone.

How I am numb and quiescent
In these days - accepting such a
Grace of dearth and emptiness
Willingly.  I bend and press

The ground of you but hear
Nothing, can eat no earth, can see
No way through to the core
That keeps me here - the layers

Are opaque, cannot be cut.
I am raked, dug, plundered
And my treasure gone.  My
Soil is worn with planting.

I can bear no more scatter
No more seed bed here.  My
Nourishment an unseen force
Divorced from our tawdry wares

Our dirty hands and deeds unclean.  
The two of them I have to spurn 
In order to stay sane.  Pretend
That I can do without their

Foundation strength, their
Fresh earth tilled for planting
A new shoot.  He is not here to
Oversee such growth, and you

From a distance I cannot breach
Do not reach this far.  The gardener
Now must be me - my own tools
Own soil, grow a worthy tree.
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