Even Now

Even now
after so many years
I am seared
with pain
and fright - I
miss you  - such
lack of presence
1 wanted to keep.

Tell me
it's all worth the effort
that the steep uphill
climb signifies
something worthwhile
something 1 maybe

missed along the way.
I would still give
and  give too
much  away  -
not having learnt

that one dies
in order to
live from day to day -

I would glue my  fingers
to my  soul and
chant, if I could
retain an essence of warmth.
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