Blockages

I feel a waste of years pass
Through  me  like tears till
I am full of space
And  sighing, full of years
Vying  for shoulder-room,
Full of lights dying.

So  much there was;
A  wide basketful
Of  such time such
Energy  brimmed  at those
Full-folded edges:
Time  pliant
Time  stretching golden
Time  laden with
People, colour, sights
All lived and gone      •,
Misgiven or  forgotten.
O  God  where are you now?

I call across these years
Fling my  voice into
Such  a void - how to fill it
With  clear time clear thought
To  make its wide surface
Shine  unscathed. 1 need to see the
Gleam  after all this passing, see into
Undistraught  water,
Face  my choice calmly, this
Turning, turning, this
Cajoling, the sotto voce of the heart's
Unwise  desire, all the
Yearning  all the calling.

For  it is you
I miss  now most  of all -
Above   the boiling din
Of  memory  hammering,  it is
You  I recall, your
Grin.

I hear again your  silence, your
Pervasiveness, your
Memory   has  always been and
Will ever be  and as I
Fade  from  all of my life's
Crying,  it is you
I  recall: how you are
Real and 1  am small.

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